5 Services LA Provides for Celebrities

Despite complaints from many local taxpayers, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa angrily asserted this week that the city is obligated to pick up the $1.4 million tab for the Michael Jackson Memorial Concert.

La La Land has to keep showbiz royalty (dead or alive) happy at any cost in order to keep up its civic pride. Turns out that the City of Los Angeles provides other special services to celebrities, such as:

5. Free Taxi Service for Lindsay Lohan

After several "vehicular incidents" the city realized it would cost less to pay for free cab rides for Lindsay Lohan than it would be to continue repairing damaged buildings and telephone poles left in her destructive wake.



4. Free Reproductive Services for Paris Hilton

City health clinics provide Paris Hilton with an unlimited supply of condoms, birth control pills, and contraceptive patches. Hopefully she will use all three at the same time.



3. Jew-Free Police Force for Mel Gibson

The LAPD has paid all their Jewish officers to convert to Christianity in order to keep Mel Gibson from flying into a rage next time he's pulled over.



2. Free Parking for the Cast of Saved by the Bell

This one is a bit of a head-scratcher. In 2002, then-mayor James Hahn declared that the principal cast of the beloved SBTB can park at any meter within LA city limits without charge. Dustin Diamond reportedly sold his "free parking for life" placard back in 2003 for a reuben sandwich and two macaroons. Sadly, Dennis "Mr. Belding" Haskins already qualifies for handicapped parking, due to his morbid obesity.



1. Free Breast Implants for Actresses



An LA law since the days of LA Law covers the cost of mammary modifications for any woman with a SAG card (pun intended). The policy paid off big-time when silicone addict Posh Spice convinced her hubby, soccer superstar David Beckham, to sign with junior league team the LA Galaxy.

So next time you're stuck on the 405 Freeway because Nicole Richie fainted at the wheel, remember, it's celebrities that keep LA a world class city.