Saturday, August 8, 2009

Complete Billy Mays Toxicology Report

The autopsy report for Billy Mays was released yesterday. Turns out "cocaine use" was listed as a contributing cause of death, along with heart disease. The toxicology tests also showed the painkillers hydrocodone, oxycodone and tramadol, as well as anti-anxiety drugs alprazolam and diazepam.

Some other surprising (and not so surprising) substances were found in Billy Mays' body:

Black "Just for Men" Beard Dye
The intense blackness of Billy's beard was about as natural looking as a bad Sean Connery toupee.


48 ounces of Red Bull
You don't think Billy just rolled out of bed in the morning acting that hyper?


Oxicleancontin (mix of Oxiclean & Oxycontin)
Billy apparently got confused by the labels and got his Oxiclean mixed up with his hillbilly heroin.


Two McGriddles
McGriddles are the worst food ever invented, and eating two in one day is definitely pushing it. This probably put more strain on Billy's heart than anything else. McDonald's reportedly tried unsuccessfully to have this detail kept out of the public record.


Look for all these gory details to be further explored in the inevitable Billy Mays biopic.